of wedding & birthday

On 14th October, I woke up, reading a hertbreaking news. The rumour about Sungmin is going to marry on 13th December is true. A part of me can't accept the fact. But, I'm trying to think positive. If he's happy, why can't I be happy for him? It's his happiness. I'm only his fan, who will always stand by his side. He has his own life. He can find his own hapiness. If we can find our happiness,  why can't we accept it? Yes, its hard to be a fan. But, have we ever think about his feeling? Sooner or later, they'll get marry. They'll have their own family. Do you want you oppa to stay single forever? Super Junior's members aren't young anymore. Their time to have their own family has come. Didn't we, ELF, promised to stay with them no matter what happen? Why can't we show our support? Feeling betray? Have we ever consider his feeling? They aren't yours forever.  We've to learn to let them go. I admit that Sungmin is my least favorite member. I haven't or never expect this marriage thing will come this fast. This morning, I suddenly realize that I've to learn to accept this when my bias is announcing his marriage. It's going to be hurt but in my mind, as long as he's happy. I'm only a fan. Yes, a fan. My job is only to support them.

Sungmin oppa, I hope you'll stay strong. Please always remember that there's still fans that are willing to be with you in any situation. You've your family, your members, your fans. I wish you the best. Your happiness is our happiness.

Today is 15th October. It's our Mr Fish's birthday! Congratulations Lee Donghae! You're turning to 29 years old this year. Time surely flies so fast neh? For ELF, you're always our 5 years old kid.

Stay awesome, stay cute, stay healthy, be happy always. You're my no. 1 bias and will always be. I'm worry and sad when think about you're going to enlist next year. I should prepare my mind for this too right? 2 years without you. Lee Donghae, happy birthday!

We're family. Family stick together. Super Junior, saranghae! ♥♥♥

No Title

I'm not strong enough.
I might look tough.
But I'm really weak.
More than you can imagine.
Please give me some strength.
Day by day.
I become tired with all this.

stress

I'm so stress. What should I do? I don't think I can take it any longer. I need to go somewhere. I need a long vacation. I need some peace. I need some time. I don't wanna think about anything. I want a blank mind. I don't want to worry about anything!! Stress!!!!

Try to take my place and do my job! Why you guys so difficult to listen to me!? I'm your senior!! You should listen to me and stop complaining! This isn't a fucking school! If you're not going to do work, just fucking resign! I don't care! It's easiest to have less staff than a lot of staff who always complaining!

You guys don't know how hard for me to think what should I do with you! I didn't have enough sleep because I'm fucking planning what job you guys should do! But all you guys do are, complain, complain and fucking complain!

When I was at your position 4 years ago, I fucking standing for a day and I don't complain! It's my job! Now, you guys only standing for few hours and start complain! I've a fat body than you guys But I still can do my job! You guys are still young!!! Don't act like a people who going to die soon!

Boss won't go to scold you guys but he'll come to scold me!!!!!!!! All of you are so fucking idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 years of love...

April. It's already 6 years. I never expect that I'll love them this long. I've heard many things about them but here I am. Still supporting them. Still stand by their side. Still walk together with them. They're my eternal love. They'll always be. There's no way I'll betray them. I'll stay loyal. I'll grow older as an ELF. I'll always be Super Junior fans.

I had a lot of happy memories with them. Thank you because you've make my dream come true. Thank you because of you, I'll always have friends who will stand by my side. To cherish me. To share a happy memories.

Super Show 2 on 2010.

Mo.A Live at KL on 2011.

Asia Super Showcase on 2012.

Super Show 5 on 2013.

That might be my last one. I don't know. I will never know. But I still hoping that I've a chance to meet you for the 5th times.

Even I might not get a chance to meeting you again, oppa, this year I'm aiming to collect all your albums. I hope this dream will success and come true. I can't meet you But this is the other way to satisfy me.

6 years of happiness... 6 years of sadness... 6 years of painful... 6 years of joyfulness.. 6 years together... 

I'll always be with you. Not for 10 years nor for 100 years. But it's forever. It's eternity...

Once an ELF, forever an ELF. 

Lonely

today i realize how lonely i am. ahhh... feel like no life. why my life so sad? T.T

.........

i know it.
it's hurt.
here i am.
crying again.

a pathetic me

i like when you're happy. please continue be that way. so, you won't be hurt later. i'm ok. don't worry. even if it's hurt my heart. as long as you're happy. i'm willing to do anything.

Why don't you understand me?

By reading my blog, maybe some of you think that I'm having a very good and enjoyable fangirl life. This is all fake. I'm never happy. I've been hiding for a long time and today, finally, I feel so tired of it. I'm not as happy as what you see. I'm not me. When I went to SS2, my parents didn't know about it. Luckily I was studied at a far place from home at that time. When SS3, I didn't dare to tell my parents that I wanted to go, so I just became a silent watcher via internet. When MO.A Live at KL, I made a decision to go but I lied to my parents, saying that I'm going to have a reunion with my college friends. My mum objected. She didn't let me go although I said I gonna meet my friends. I still remember her words, "They should come here to meet you! Why you should go there to meet them?". Am I a princess? I cried all night at that time. Mum, you heard me cried but it seemed like you don't have a heart to concern about my feeling. You simply ignored me. I wasn't give up and after that, I asked once again weather I could go or not. That time my dad answered. "Ok". My dad have a very soft heart. That's why he let me go. Although I knew it was wrong to lie but I can't tell the truth. When Asia Super Showcase, I still didn't dare to tell the truth. So, I told them that my friend was going to get married. With that, I easily can go there. But this time, on SS5, I wanted to tell the truth. Today, I got a little bit of courage to tell them that I want to go to SS5. My dad didn't have any problem with it but my mum said it's a waste. She said why should I meet someone that don't know me. She said why should I like Korean.

Mum, I just want a little bit of happiness. I'm already 24 years old. I'm not a child anymore. Is it wrong if I want to spend time with my friends? Why I can't? What do you want me to do? Please tell me. If I'm gone, is it better? I'm so tired life like this. Do this is wrong, do that is also wrong. I can't do this and that. What should I do?

Please, this is for the last time. I promise, no more concert, no more fangirling, no more Korean, no more anything. Please let me enjoy this one last time.

Chingu, ELF, Super Junior, I'm sorry that you might lost another chingu and fan. I promise to stand with you guys until the end but I don't think I can. I'm so tired already. I'm tired of being fake and liar.

I'm ready to life in this loneliness "prison" for my whole life. It's ok. I don't want a happy life anymore.