Friday, 11 November 2011

I wanna...

Me: Mak, cheq nak pi KL bulan depan leh? Ada reunion ngan kawan2
Mak: Tak tau la nanti tanya ayah hang

2 days later...

Me: Boleh tak cheq nak pi KL bulan depan?
Mak: Tak payah duk mengarut la. Dah la pi sorang2.
Me: Kawan cheq amik la nanti, kat Pudu.
Mak: Tak payah la. Nak pi bawak adik hang. Jangan nak mengada pi sorang2. Kalau ada kawan ka sorang teman tak per la. Buat apa pi sampai KL. Depa nak jumpa, depa mai sini.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a life I’ve? What a mother I’ve? What a parents I’ve? For God’s sake, I’m 22 years old already. I’m not 12 years old child. I already live far away before. In that 3 years, did you see any change in me? Am I becoming another person? Am I becoming bad daughter? So, I’m just asking your permission to go for 3 days. Why’s it so hard?

Why can’t you let me go? Why did you control my life? Why did you so cruel? Why you didn’t ever understand my feeling?

I know how to take care of myself. I’m just a teenager who need my freedom.

Your words, it was really stabbing my heart. I’ve cried out loud for 2 hours, you heard it but just ignore it... It’s another stabbing inside my heart. Why, why is it so difficult to understand my feeling?

It’s not 1st time. I already feel hurt many time... Which... I don’t think I can’t bare it anymore. Can I just end my life? Can I run away? Can I?

My greatest time is, when I spend time with my friend. Now, every time I go home, I always cry. It’s like this house don’t feel like a house anymore. Stop controlling my life. I wanna have my life too.

People say when your heart hurt, just hurting your body. Is it true? Can I do it? Can I just die?

I’m sorry, friend. We might not able to meet anymore, especially my college friend. I’m sorry. You don’t have to invite me on your wedding. You don’t have to invite me to go on reunion or something like that.

Let I life alone. Let me be alone. I don’t wanna have a friend anymore. I wanna be ALONE!

After 22 years life, I wish... I was never born to this world... Just... Please, kill me... I’m begging...

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