Lonely

today i realize how lonely i am. ahhh... feel like no life. why my life so sad? T.T

.........

i know it.
it's hurt.
here i am.
crying again.

a pathetic me

i like when you're happy. please continue be that way. so, you won't be hurt later. i'm ok. don't worry. even if it's hurt my heart. as long as you're happy. i'm willing to do anything.

Why don't you understand me?

By reading my blog, maybe some of you think that I'm having a very good and enjoyable fangirl life. This is all fake. I'm never happy. I've been hiding for a long time and today, finally, I feel so tired of it. I'm not as happy as what you see. I'm not me. When I went to SS2, my parents didn't know about it. Luckily I was studied at a far place from home at that time. When SS3, I didn't dare to tell my parents that I wanted to go, so I just became a silent watcher via internet. When MO.A Live at KL, I made a decision to go but I lied to my parents, saying that I'm going to have a reunion with my college friends. My mum objected. She didn't let me go although I said I gonna meet my friends. I still remember her words, "They should come here to meet you! Why you should go there to meet them?". Am I a princess? I cried all night at that time. Mum, you heard me cried but it seemed like you don't have a heart to concern about my feeling. You simply ignored me. I wasn't give up and after that, I asked once again weather I could go or not. That time my dad answered. "Ok". My dad have a very soft heart. That's why he let me go. Although I knew it was wrong to lie but I can't tell the truth. When Asia Super Showcase, I still didn't dare to tell the truth. So, I told them that my friend was going to get married. With that, I easily can go there. But this time, on SS5, I wanted to tell the truth. Today, I got a little bit of courage to tell them that I want to go to SS5. My dad didn't have any problem with it but my mum said it's a waste. She said why should I meet someone that don't know me. She said why should I like Korean.

Mum, I just want a little bit of happiness. I'm already 24 years old. I'm not a child anymore. Is it wrong if I want to spend time with my friends? Why I can't? What do you want me to do? Please tell me. If I'm gone, is it better? I'm so tired life like this. Do this is wrong, do that is also wrong. I can't do this and that. What should I do?

Please, this is for the last time. I promise, no more concert, no more fangirling, no more Korean, no more anything. Please let me enjoy this one last time.

Chingu, ELF, Super Junior, I'm sorry that you might lost another chingu and fan. I promise to stand with you guys until the end but I don't think I can. I'm so tired already. I'm tired of being fake and liar.

I'm ready to life in this loneliness "prison" for my whole life. It's ok. I don't want a happy life anymore. 

random entry? or maybe not?

Woah!! It's already end of April! And I don't post anything this month? Is it? I'm not sure! LOL! Lately, I rarely online because April is such a busy month for me! So tired~ Started early this month I've to join a lot of Maxis/Hotlink promotion! Woke up on 8 am and only went home on 10.30 pm. Tired~ Buhhuuu~ But, it's already finished! Finally! Don't make me go to promotion anymore! LOL!

Because of my busy day, I forgot about many things! Gahh! What I wanted to post, I forgot! Ok, on April, we've Eunhyuk's birthday, Siwon's actual birthday, Zhoumi's birthday and also... My birthday! That's the point! LOL! Kidding~ Whatever, it's already late but HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MY OPPAS! WISH YOU ALL THE BEST! SARANGHAE FOREVER!

Oh, oh! PRU13 almost near! Time to vote! JOM MENGUNDI! It's my first time! Should I be excited? Kekekeke... I'm waiting for 5th June 2013. Luckily I already registered and I can go voting this Sunday. XD I'm thinking to work half day that day. Too lazy to wake up early! Ok, it's enough with politic, I'm not in a mood to talk about it. UNDI ADALAH RAHSIA! 

Also, in April, it's mean... I already knew Super Junior for 5 years! It's my anniversary with them! Woohoo! It's feel like... Just yesterday I watched "Haengbok" MV. It's already 5 years! Waahhh~ T^T I'm with them for 5 years! I still can't believe I'll like Super Junior this long! I never have an addiction like this! They're like a drug, so addictive, making me love them more and more! 5 years with them, 3 times met them, it's feel like a miracle. Oppa, what have you done to me? Why am I like this? No, I'm not gonna complain though! :P I WILL BE A LOYAL ELF AND SUPPORT YOU TILL THE END. But, Super Junior won't have an END. Seriously, the time I quit like K-pop is when Super Junior is no longer in the K-pop world. Till then, I'll give my full support for them. I know and like K-pop because of Super Junior, if they don't exist anymore, it's useless for me to like K-pop.

Early this month, Yesung announced that he'll join military on 6 May 2013. What's this oppa? T^T But, I can't do anything. Please, just let them go for 2 years and we should wait patiently. For Korean male, going to military is like their pride and they're proud with it. Please, don't be such a bitch and let them go! Gahh! I know, it's still frustrating. Kangin went on 2010 and came back on 2012. Heechul went on 2011 and will come back this August. Leeteuk went on 2012 and will come back next year. Yesung will go next week and come back after 2 years. Next year, will be Shindong get to enlistment. On 2015? It's the most frustrating year! Donghae, Eunhyuk, Sungmin and Siwon! NOOOOO!!!! Why so many members born on 1986? But, I think SM won't let this 4 members go together. Maybe next year, we'll see at least 2 or 3 members get enlistment. Gahh!! It's ok, I WILL WAIT! Starting next month (at least until August), Super Junior will continue their activities with 10 members (including Henry and Zhoumi, of course!) out of 15 members. I'm so sad~

Enough with sad story!

Super Show 5 is starting yoh! Woahhh!!! They already starting their world tour since March at Seoul. And last week, they went to South America! I'm so proud of my oppa! It was their first concert at South America and proud to tell that, the stadium/venue was full with Pearl Sapphire Blue color! WOW! 21st April at Brazil, 23rd April at Argentina, 25th April at Chile and 27th April at Peru! It's just... Wow! Are you fuckin' crazy? Now, airport and plane are like a house to you guys huh? In a week, they went to 4 different countries.I'm so jealous! On June, they'll continue their world tour at Indonesia and Hong Kong. On July, at Singapore and Japan. On 5th October... AT MALAYSIA!!! Yes! Can I cry now? LOL! It's 5 month from now! =.= I want to hear this, officially from their mouths! Whatever, I already start saving. This time I want a VIP ticket! Or maybe not! :P But I really want a seating ticket. No more rockpit! One time is enough! Rockpit is tiring and I already experienced it last year and I felt like dying. Super Show is like a dream come true for all ELF. I already met them trice but the 2nd and 3rd time, wasn't enough. The only sang a few songs and have to share stage with other artist. That's why, I think, the best moment when I met them was the 1st time, on 2010 for Super Show 2 and I'm freakin' frustrated because couldn't go to Super Show 3. Super Show 4 wasn't hold at Malaysia. That's why, I want this Super Show 5 to be the best memorable time in my entire life!

When I thought about saving more money for Super Show 5, here come another great news. Donghae and Eunhyuk will released their 2nd Japanese single "I Wanna Dance" on June. WHY!!??? I'm trying to save my money to meet you guys, how dare you release another new single! They're my most favorite members on Super Junior and it's already frustrating because I couldn't buy their 1st single. I NEED TO BUY THIS! Buhuuu~ Super Junior is making me bankrupt! Japanese single/album is so expensive. If I could buy Korean album with only RM70++, Japanese album will cost... At least RM100++ Oh, why Japanese single!? But, I've to buy this one, even if I'm going to bankrupt. I'm buy because of you two, EUNHAE!

It's already so late! I'm working tomorrow! So, it's enough with my blabbering! BYE and GOODNIGHT!

super siblings?

We all know what Super Junior's member have a close bond to each other and sometimes, I also forget that they've their blood-related siblings! LOL! Let's take a look at their super siblings! :P 

Shindong's younger sister (Ahn Da Young)

Shindong only revealed that he has a younger sister last year. I always thought he was only child and didn't expect this. His sister is a fan of BEAST. Her surname is taken from their mum because their parents already divorce. Her sister is staying with their mum.

Leeteuk's elder sister (Park In Young)

Really pretty right? Leeteuk's sister is also a celebrity. She had appeared in some variety show with Leeteuk and she's so funny too!

Leeteuk and his sister.

Sungmin's younger brother (Lee Sung Jin)

 Somewhat, Sung Jin looks more matured than his brother. LOL! If I'm not mistaken, he was born on 1989.

 Sungmin with his brother, Sung Jin.

Kibum's younger sister (Kim Sae Hee)

 She's really pretty! 

 Kibum with his youngest sister.

Donghae's elder brother (Lee Dong Hwa)

He doesn't look like Donghae. LOL! Or is it... Donghae doesn't look like him? Dong Hwa is really low-profile. I never seen a picture of him, not until they open the cafe, The Grand Place.

Heechul's elder sister (Kim Hee Jin)

They don't look alike too! LOL! But his sister is really cute.

Heechul and his elder sister.

Siwon's sister (Choi Ji Won)

Not many thing I know about his sister but 1 thing I can say... Handsomeness & prettiness run in their blood. LOL! I don't know if she's Siwon's younger sister or elder sister. 

Henry's elder brother (Clinton Lau) & younger sister (Whitney Lau)

Wow! Henry's brother looks handsome though!

Lau siblings. Kekekeke... Henry with his elder brother and younger sister.

Henry and Whitney. Her sister so cute!

Kyuhyun's elder sister (Cho Ahra)

Another pretty sister.

Kyuhyun and his sister.

Eunhyuk's elder sister (Lee Sora)

Eunhyuk and his sister. OMG! They look like a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Both so cute! Eunhyuk seems to have a very close relationship with his sister.

Yesung's younger brother (Kim Jong Jin)

 He was born on 1997. LOL! I'm kidding. He's actually 3 years younger than Yesung. Yup, he was born on 1987. Damn! Why you looks so young, oppa? :P

Yesung with his brother. So cute!!

I, personally like Eunhyuk's elder sister and Yesung's younger brother. LOL! 

Super Junior's members are really close. So did their sisters! LOL! Extra picture!!!

Hee Jin, Sora, In Young & Ahra.

Oops, not only the sisters, the brothers also!

Jong Jin & Sung Jin.

So, Super Junior is a 1 big happy family! LOL!

meet my babies...

Meet my babies... Lemme introduce them from the left...

- Ms Senior Bear a.k.a Ms Sen B which I got from my parents on my graduation day.

- Mr Panda which I bought because he looks so cute.

- Mr Bear Jr a.k.a Mr Junior which I got from wifey.

- Mrs Hyuk-Eun which I bought because I bought his hubby, Mr Hae-A, to give to my wifey.

- Mr Froggy which I got as a present from one of my unnie.

- Mr Fishy which I... Well, I just want to buy him.

- Mr Giry which I bought because of the same reason as I bought Mr Fishy.

- Mr Blue Bear a.k.a Mr BB which I bought from my friend. He was handmade.

My babies will increased soon... I still need Racoon, Cat, Rabbit, Horse, Turtle, Duck....

another random post...

it's been a long time, is it? today is already 19th february 2013. time flies so fast. 5.05 am and i still haven't sleep. i can't sleep but it's ok because today is my off day. finally! after 7 days straight working, i can get a rest although for 1 day. a lot of things happen at work... since chinese new year just passed a week ago, i'm hella tired... not enough staff at work, not enough sleep, not enough rest. gaahh! i hate it. what i hate the most it, it feel like i'm the only one working there. everything has to ask me. i'm so tired. i just wanna ignore all calls and sms for today. no work for a whole day. try to learn how to be independence. not all things should ask for hundreds time. i'm so stressful. depression. why'd they don't understand?

enough with work! gahhh! just think about it make me so tension!

become adult surely stressful. have to think about anything. future, money, life, work. so difficult! until when should i live like this? have to stop but i don't know how to!