someone to talk to...

For this moment, I need someone to talk to. Depressed... Stress... I hate how I act strong and ok in front of other people. I hate how I act 'cause it make me more hurt inside... I hold my tears from fall down but when nobody around me, I burst into tears. I can't believe how I can act stronger even though... I'm not... I'm so weak... I try to hold but I fail. I can't hold it. And I hate myself for always being in depressed and stress... 'Cause every time I be in that condition, I'm always thinking to end my life... I feel so scare. But... When people ask me if I'm ok or not... "Yes, I'm ok" but the fact is... I'm not ok... I'm lier... I don't know how to tell the truth... I don't know how to express my feeling. If I can say it out loud... I want to shout to the whole world... Telling I'm not alright. How can I tell the truth? Can someone help me?

Super Junior's OTP?

Just like what the title say... I wanna talk about SJ's OTP. What's OTP? It's One True Pairing... LOL! If OT3? One True 3some. What's all about? Well, for SJ's fan, you must know what's OTP or pairing thingy... It's couple thing that fan make or it's more like fan-service... Hmmm... Who're SJ's OTP? Since SJ's member are all GUY, there must be a dominant and submissive in their 'relationship'. It's like... Who's topping and bottoming... Dominant or top, they always have an aggressive and hyper character towards the submissive. While submissive ir bottom is contras to dominant. LOL! How to know who's dominant and who's submissive? Let's take Kangin and Leeteuk as an example. Kangin is a dominant while Leeteuk is submissive. So, put Kangin's name in front and Leeteuk's name behind... And we get... KangTeuk... LOL! I don't know how to explain... Such a failure!

1. KangTeuk (Kangin + Leeteuk)

They also know as appa and umma of SJ. LOL! Since Leeteuk is SJ's leader and Kangin always be beside him (shit! I miss Kangin oppa!)

2. HanChul (Hankyung + Heechul)

Their characters are like... A Cinderella with his Chinese Prince... ROFL!

3. KyuMin (Kyuhyun + Sungmin)

They're like... A cute innocent boyfriend with his freak game-mania boyfriend... LOL!

4. YeWook (Yesung + Ryeowook)

A cute with a freak... Again... LOL!

5. EunHae (Eunhyuk + Donghae) or HaeHyuk (Donghae + Eunhyuk)

This couple... It's hard to decide who's topping and bottoming... Since... They looks flexible/versatile? ROFL! Some fans hardly choose who's bottoming and topping since both of them look aggressive and also cute... =.= LOL! WTF? And this is my favorite OTP ever!!!

Well, all OTP mention above is a main SJ's OTP (like what usually heard in SJ's fandom) There are also other OTP such as...

KyuWook (Kyuhyun + Ryeowook)


KiHae (Kibum + Donghae)


EunTeuk (Eunhyuk + Leeteuk)


TeukChul (Leeteuk + Heechul)


SiHan (Siwon + Hankyung)


or... OT3...

EunSiHae (Siwon + Eunhyuk + Donghae)


SiHanChul (Siwon + Hankyung + Heechul)


KRY (Kyuhyun + Ryeowook + Yesung)


Lee's Brother (Sungmin + Eunhyuk + Donghae)


But my favourite OT3 is... KiHaeHyuk (Kibum + Donghae + Eunhyuk) *sighs* but I don't find any picture of them together! =.=

SPAM! It's Eunhae/Haehyuk... My forever OTP! FTW!!!

Sama Jer...

Apa kena pulak dengan tajuk post aku kali ni? Keekeke... Actually, aku nak bercerita sikit ttg kerja. Yup! Work. Aku ni kerja biasa2 jer buat masa sekarang ni. Ehmm.. Kat Hotlink jer. Tapi gaji sebulan cukup la untuk aku shopping, bayar duit keta, broadband... Hahahaha! Kidding... Aku nak kata suka, tak la suka sangat ngan keja ni. Tak suka? Hmm.. Tak juga sebab dah 8 bulan aku buat keja ni. So, setakat ni, ok lar although kadang2 ada ketidakpuashatian... Hihihihi... Tapi tu perkara biasa kan?

Aku selalu dengar co-workers aku merungut pasal gaji tak cukup lar, keja tak patut lar, unfair lar, jadi kuli bangak diaorang la (since my boss is Chinese. Opps! No offence to other races) Aku selalu terfikir... Kita kerja ngan orang, so tu perkara biasa la kan? Selagi kita kerja bawah org, kita still jadi 'kuli' diaorang. Hmmm...

Kadang2 sakit hati juga bila dgr ex co-workers yang selalu tanya soalan macam ni, "Eh, ang still jadi kuli batak dia lagi ker?" So, how about you? Ko kerja sendiri ker nak kata aku macam tu? Ko pun kerja under orang gak, that's mean ko pun kuli batak gak ah. Hahahahaa!

Ntah lar... Actually, kerja kat mana pun sama jer. At least diaorang bayar gaji kita. Yang tak bayar tu la yang lain cerita. Yang penting niat kita nak bekerja and macam mana cara kita nak bekerja. As long as we work under people, we're same. So, fikir-fikir la sendiri yer...

Learn to Appreciate

Last month on Twitter, GoodWill and MGI promised ELF that they will make a song to ELF if they reach more followers on Twitter. As expected, using ELF power, they got a lot of ELF followers. Wait! If you're asking who're GoodWill and MGI are, please click this link.

Today, they fulfilled what they had promised... ELF Song is finally out on Youtube!


cr: GoodWillMGI @yt

When I 1st heard this song, I was LOL-ing because the lyric is really funny. Yes, it's childish and without I realized it, my tears dropped. I felt so proud to be an ELF. Someone is really noticed us, an ELF. Someone is really noticed Super Junior existence. That's why I'm so happy. I'm so glad and proud of GoodWill and MGI.

I was so happy and wanna spazzing crazily... Until... I open this one of the famous International SJ forum. I just wanna leave comment there but I'm afraid that my comment will make a chaos and create a bad relationship between me and other friends there.

Just... Why can you appreciate what they did? Yes, the lyric is childish. It's not really cool. It's not turn out to something you were expecting. Did you guys realize that you just bash them?

It's so hurt to think that... Those comments are coming from the people on the same fandom as mine. If you don't like it, at least please appreciate it and not bash it. Are not you feel proud or something? Someone make a song especially for you.

When I see other fandom is praising them, while my OWN FANDOM is bashing them... I feel really hurt! It feel like... Their hardworking is such a waste. I hope they won't see those hate comments. I just feel bad for them.

People, why can you learn to appreciate something? Sometimes... I'm really GIVE UP with my own fandom... ELF...

Old Idol?

Some fans or fandom like to call Super Junior as an old idol. Are they really an old idol? LOL! What's it mean? They're call as old idol because some of the members are almost reach their 30 and they're one of the idol that are still survive in Korean music industry. Well... 6 years... *proud* The average age of Korean male boyband is about.... 22-24 years old... Some of them are below 20. =.= For Super Junior? Well... The oldest is 28 years old while the youngest is 23 years old. Hmmm... Is that why they call Super Junior, "The Old Idol"?

No matter how many new boyband appear, I'll always support Super Junior. If they don't exist anymore, then... I'll also disappear from this fandom... They're my life... My source to breath... My reason to life... My inspiration to success...



For me... They're still... My aDORKable baby... ROFL!

Lucky

Just... In 2 days... *sigh* I don't know what should I do anymore. Should I be happy? No. I'm obviously jealous. I'm unlucky. When the day almost come, I feel really hurt. Now, I know what they felt that time. Now, I know it's really hurt until I got the headache almost every day. I should forget about it but is it possible? If... If I don't know them...

Do I still have the chance? What should I do? I can't do anything except... Cry... Cry... And cry... That's the only way I've. I wish... That day will pass quick. I can't bear seeing their happiness because it's really hurt. It hurting me. I'm slowly die inside.

I like you... I love you... Why is it hurting so much? My decision... Is it right? Why can I face the reality? I know I still have the chance. I should just wait and work harder...

Hwaiting... Oppa...

Jom Makan!

Apa yang best kat Penang ni? Banyak benda yang best... Tapi salah satunya ialah makanan. Yummy~ Penang ni memang terkenal dengan pelbagai jenis makanan. Sampai tak tau la nak makan apa. Yang palin famous, of course la nasi kandar. Tapi Penang ni bukan ada nasi kandar jer tau... Macam2 ada... Kekekeke... For example kat tempat aku ni, Teluk Kumbar. Tahukah koraong? Teluk Kumbar ni sebenarnya famous dengan mee udang. Memang banyak kedai mee udang kat sini tapi.... mee udang bukan favourite aku... ROFL! Ada Salwa Mee Udang la... Mak Long Mee Udang la... Haish... Macam2 lar...

Actually, aku nak story pasal tempat2 makan yang best kat sini... Yang aku tau lar... For me... Kalau breakfast, antara kedai yang paling ramai orang kat Teluk Kumbar ni ialah Taat Cafe. Peh! Dah tukar nama kan? Taat Cafe ni terletak betul2 kat tengah2 pekan Teluk Kumbar. Tak susah la korang nak cari kan? Ada apa? Dia jual nasi... Wow! Breakfast dah makan nasi... Memang gemuk ah macam ni! Tapi memang tersangat la sedap! Dari aku kecil sampai sekarang, dalam seminggu mesti sekali dua aku pekena nasi taat ni. Peh! Masyuk~ Lauk favorite aku, ikan goreng ngan telur goreng... Tu pun dah cukup beb... Kasi taruk dia punya kuah gulai banyak2... Memang tak terkata sedap dia. Hahahha!

Satu lagi gerai yang best kat pekan Teluk Kumbar ni ialah... Nasi kandar Mak Ton... Haaa... Korang pernah dengar? Dia ni tumpang meniaga nasi kandar kat kedai kopi Cina. Kat mana? Betul-betul berhadapan ngan Taat Cafe. Kekekeke... Pagi2 memang orang dah beratur la. Memang sedap... Try rasa dia punya daging cincang... Peh! Favorite aku tuh!

Kalau untuk makan malam lak, kedai makan paling best kat Teluk Kumbar ni ialah... Restoren Ikan Bakar Sri Anjung! Kedai ni kedai favorite family aku for dinner. Dah la harga berpatutan... Kalau makan, memang kenyang ler! Sampai menjilat jari tau. Kalau makan pakai sudu, sampai menjilat sudu ler jawabnya. Kekekeke... Restoren ni betul2 kat tepi jalan jer. Nak cari pun tak susah. Kalau korang pergi, aku sarankan korang order... Of course dia punya ikan bakar. Nama pun restoren ikan bakar kan? Kalau korang tak nak makan ikan bakar, korang boleh order ikan siakap tiga rasa. Ikan tu korang boleh pilih sendiri. Best kan? Memang tak rugi kalau korang makan kat sini. Memang sedap sangat2. Selain ikan siakap 3 rasa, aku recommend korang order dia punya sotong goreng tepung. Memang wajib order weh! Aku tak pernah rasa sotong goreng tepung macam tu tau. Serious! Menu favorite family aku, ikan siakap 3 rasa, sotong goreng tepung, tomyam campur, lala and kangkong goreng belacan. Memang tak rugi makan sini.

Apa lagi yang best kat Teluk Kumbar ni? Ha! Nasi ayam Misai. Tak der misai pun dalam nasi ayam tu, jadi jangan la korang risau! Hahahaha! Kedai nasi ayam misai ni cuma serve nasi ayam ngan nasi goreng ayam jer. Kalau korang nak try rasa nasi ayam, boleh la pergi kedai tu kat Bandar Baru Teluk Kumbar or kalau susah sangat nak cari, pergi jer dekat Kompleks Bukit Jambul. Kan senang?

Kalau teringin nak makan bihun sup ker, nasi gorang ker and makanan2 yang seangkatan dengannya, korang boleh pergi try makan kat Tanduk cafe. Aku jarang pergi Tanduk cafe kat Teluk Kumbar ni, kalau kat Bukit Jambul yer lar... Dah kerja kat situ kan... Hihihihi... Selalu aku makan nasi berlauk kat situ. Memang sedap lauk dia, harga pun ok lar...

Apa lagi yang ada kat Teluk Kumbar ni? Banyak kedai makan kat sini tapi aku dah lupa daa... Jom pergi tempat lain plak. Kalau korang nak try makan laksa, jangan lupa pergi Kedai Laksa Janggus kat Balik Pulau! Kedai laksa ni memang famous sampai Jalan-jalan Cari Makan pun dah singggah sini. Laksa kedai ni memang favorite aku ler! Susah nak cari laksa yang betul2 rasa laksa ni. LOL! Kuah dia memang cantik punya! Tak macam sesetengah kedai... Kuah ceroi... LOL!

Penang ni famous ngan kedai mamak. Tak sah la kalau aku tak perrkenalkan kedai mamak kat sini kan? Antara kedai mamak favorite aku ialah, Nasi Kandar Makbul... Makbul ni banyak cawangan dia... Kat Batu Maung, Bayan Baru, Bukit Jambul... Tapi yang paling best bagi aku ialah dekat Batu Maung. Aku suka makan roti telur kat situ. Tak pun nasi kandar dia... Haih... Mana ada nasi kandar yang tak sedap kat Penang ni... Betul tak? Selain Makbul, korang leh try Nasi Kandar Kayu dekat Bukit Jambul. Memang famous restoren ni. Or korang leh pergi Nasi Kandar Pelita dekat Bayan Baru. Semuanya sedap!

Kalau dah boring sanat asyik makan nasi kandar jer, korang try pergi makan dekat Serai Cafe dekat Tokong Ular. Mana tuh? Senang jer nak cari. Dekat2 dengan kilang B-braun. Macam2 menu ada kat sini. Nasi goreng, western food... Memang sedap! Kalau kedai tu ramai orang, hihihihi, korang boleh pergi kedai sebelah dia, Blue Bayou. Kat situ pun sedap gak. Pendek kata, semua kedai kat Tokong Ular tu memang sedap ler makanan dia...

Oppss... Jangan lupa plak singgah dekat Padan Kota Lama! Pergi try pasembur dekat situ. Tak sah ler kalau korang datang Penang tapi tak pergi pekena pasembur Padang Kota. Tak lengkap weh!

Haish... Sebenarnya banyak lagi kedai makan yang best kat Penang ni. Tapi tak leh nak senarai semua lar... Jari aku pun dah lenguh menaip ni. Berhenti di sini dulu... Berehat sebentar bersama Kit Kat... LOL!

Lee Donghae

Lee Donghae, he's one of Super Junior member. He's my ultimate bias! I love Super Junior as a whole group but lately, my attention only on him. I'm not embarrassed or shy to say that I'm in love with him. Shit! What did you do to me, Donghae? It's your fault if I don't have boyfriend! LOL! When I first knew SuJu, he didn't really attract me. For me, he's just normal. He's only have an ordinary looks. But, why now I fall in love with him so damn much?

I really want to meet him, although I've met him once last year. Kekekeeke... I only want to meet him. If I've a chance to be closer with him, as in I know him in person, I don't want to. Why? I'm afraid I'll get hurt. Not because he'll not love me. ROFL! It's because I'm afraid to see his tears or sadness. In my mind, in my fangirl mind, Lee Donghae is someone who's really cheerful, playful and childish...



I don't really know how you feel, oppa. I don't know if you're sad or hurt. I don't know what happen behind those cameras. I can't bear myself if I see you hurt. That's why, I don't want to know you in person. I'm happy as long as I only be your fangirl. I'll always support you from afar. Thanks for complete my life. Thanks because of you, I'm happy.

Special!

Sexy!Hae


VS

Hot!Hae


Which one do you prefer? ROFL! I can't make my decision 'cause I LOVE BOTH! ROFL!

Apa yang berlaku?

Subhanallah... Apa yang jadi tadi? Tak de hujan, hari panas terik, tiba2 ada guruh. I was watching video at Youtube when suddenly I hear bunyi yang sangat2 kuat. Bunyi guruh. Kinda shock sebab habis semua letrik kat rumah ni padam. Aku terus keluar rumah and bukan aku ngan mak aku je yang keluar rupanya... Habis semua jiran2 aku keluar rumah. Semua orang terkejut! Mungkin tak pernah dengar and rasa pelik dgn bunyi guruh di waktu panas terik. And semua orang like... "Apa jadi?" "Bunyi apa tadi tu?"

Kuasa Allah...

Jalan-jalan

From Penang to Port Dickson to Sepang and back to Penang! Wow! What a nice trip! Best sangat2!Dah lama rasanya tak pergi bercuti! Asyik keja jer! Boring weh! Actually, my main purpose was going to my old college and took my transcript, diploma and surat pengesahan tamat belajar. LOL! Alhamdulillah semuanya selesai dgn cepat but ada sedikit ketidakpuashatian! ROFL! Wahai Kolej Negeri tercinta, ingat yer korang ada hutang aku RM200... Walaupun RM200 jer, duit gak tu weh! Ada apa dengan RM200 tu? Macam ni, sebelum masuk dulu, kolej suh bayar RM200 kononnya untuk wang hemat diri. Duit tu akan dipulangkan lepas kitaorg habis belajar. Aku yer2 jer nak gi tuntut balik duit tu tapi...

"Yang ni kena buat permohonan dulu. Bila dah lulus kita akan call and boleh datang ambil" ni la apa yang orang kat unit akaun cakap kat aku. WTF? Tunggu korang call? Agak2 bila tu yer? And nak suruh aku datang ambil? Pihak kolej nak bagi aku tambang pergi sana ker? For your information, I live at Penang. Am I suppose to tempuh 6 hours journey semata-mata nak ambil balik RM200 tu? Kenapa tak bagi jer terus? Resit dah ada kan? Ugh! Bodoh punya kolej! Selamat aku dah blah dah dari kolej tu!

Malas la nak citer pasal kolej. Apa kata citer pasal vacation aku ni. Lagi berfaedah! Hohohoho!

Sebelum pergi kolej, my family and I went to lunch at Hardwood Cafe at Seremban 2. Dia punya masakan memang marvelous! Walaupun kedudukan agak terpencil, ramai gak yang datang situ. Sedap punya pasal kan? Sapa yang tak nak? Betul tak? If you go there, I suggest you to try makan dia punya masak lemak! Peh! I ate nasi with ayam goreng and sayur kangkong plus kuah lemak. Memang mengancam!

Hardwood Cafe, Seremban 2
Makanan: A+
Layanan: A
Kebersihan kedai: A
Harga: Berpatutan.

Lepas semua urusan kat kolej selesai, kitaorang pergi Port Dickson since my dad already booking Hotel Seri Malaysia kat situ. Ni kali kedua aku menginap kat hotel tu. Hihihihi... Betul-betul mengadap laut tapi yang tak bestnya, dapat hotel room yang mengadap kolam hotel jer. LOL!

Malam tu pulak, kitaorang pergi dinner kat D'terapung kat Medan Ikan Bakar MPPD. Wah! Melangkah masuk jer ke cafe tu, waiter2 greet kitaorang. "Selamat datang, cik". Kekeke... Restoren ni agak unik sebab dia terapung atas laut and sebab tu la nama dia pun D'terapung. Ikan siakap bakar, sotong goreng tepung, telur dadar, kangkong goreng belacan. Ni la menu kitaorang malam tu.

D'terapung, Port Dickson
Makanan: B (sorry. Makanan dia bukan tak sedap tapi ok2 jer. Lain orang lain pandangan ok?)
Layanan: A+
Kebersihan kedai: A+
Harga: Bagi yang tengah save budget, anda tidak digalakkan berkunjung ke restoren ni. Hahahaha!

Masa on the way balik hotel tu, terserempak pulak dengan Sate Haji Samuri. Aigo~ Dugaan betul! Walaupun dah full time tu, my dad beli gak sate ayam 20 cucuk and bawa balik hotel. Nyum~

Then, on Thursday we went to Sepang. Jarak perjalanan dari PD ke Sepang dianggarkan dalam 40 km jer tapi kitaorang salah masuk jalan daa~ My dad konon nak tunjuk hebat (hihihihi) terikut jalan jauh. Sepatutnya dari PD tu ada simpang nak masuk Sepang tapi ayah pergi ambil jalan jauh. Bukan masuk ikut Nilai, bukan juga masuk ikut Seremban. Tapi ikut jalan masuk Sepang, KLIA. Tersangatlah salah. 40 km jadi lebih daripada 100 km. LOL! Macam mana ntah boleh jumpa Banting la, Ulu Langat la, Morib la. ROFL! Tapi Alhamdulillah... Selamat juga sampai dekat Hotel Seri Malaysia Sepang. Hotel Seri Malaysia lagi~ Nak buat macam mana... Penginap setia Hotel Seri Malaysia di seluruh Malaysia. LOL! And I didn't expect hotel ni duduk jauh and I mean jauhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dalam hutan. Huhuhuhu... Memang tak ada apa2 dekat Bagan Lalang (lokasi Hotel Seri Malaysia Sepang) tu kecuali laut! Kedai makanan seafood banyak la kat sini.

Berdekatan dengan Hotel Seri Malaysia, terletaknya Gold Coast Sepang yang sememangnya indah and menakjubkan! Kalau korang naik kapal terbang and tengok resort ni dari atas, korang akan nampak satu bentuk pokok kelapa! Wow! And resort ni dalam laut! So romantic! I already make decision. Lepas kahwin nanti kalau nak honeymoon, datang sini and menginap kat Gold Coast! Hahahaha!

3 hari rasa sekejap sangat! Hari ni dah balik and dah sampai rumah pun! Kalau ada peluang, nak pergi vacation lagi! Dapat relax and release tension! Best!

Don't...

Don't let me see, watch... Anything that related to angst... To hate... To hurt... I'm so emotional nowadays that even a simple thing can makes me cry. Hurt... ;_______;